Unemployment

It looms if this darned Screen Actors' Guild strike actually happens.

A Dialogue With My Boss's Old Stereo, Who Only Speaks in Adult Contemporary

ME: You're annoying.

STEREO: [Saxophone squeal, soon revealed to be the intro to Gerry Rafferty's "Baker Street"]

ME: Like you've never said that before. Only proving my point.

STEREO: [Saxophone squeal, soon revealed to be the intro to Bob Seger's "Turn the Page"]

ME: First of all, stop yelling.

STEREO: [Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy"]

ME: Well, I find that rather patronizing. Trying to "speak to my generation," are you?

STEREO: [Green Day's, "Time of Your Life"]

ME: How dare you. That's just...cynical.

STEREO: [Third Eye Blind's "Semi-Charmed"]

ME: So uncool. And I was in 7th grade, okay?

STEREO: [Saxophone squeal, soon revealed to be "Who Can It Be Now" by Men At Work]


ME: Thank you. Let's at least be honest here about where we're coming from. That's the first step towards mutual understanding.

STEREO: [Tears for Fears, "Everybody Wants to Rule the World"]

ME: Now you're just being a jerk. I felt like we were getting somewhere, and now you're way over there, and I'm way over here. Look…I concede that you recognize and celebrate talented, worthwhile artists. You do. I really believe that. It's just that you're always so superficial, so vapid.

STEREO: [Pink Floyd, "Money"]

ME: You're trying. You really are. Bless your heart.

STEREO: [Saxophone squeal, followed by a series of saxophone squeals, later revealed to be Kenny G's cover of James Blunt's "You're Beautiful"]

ME: I'm not patronizing you now. And you know I never said you spoke Smooth Jazz.

STEREO: [Eagles, "Hotel California"]

ME: Okay. There you go. Let's agree to disagree and go our separate ways. Just do one thing for me: Stay tolerable.

STEREO: [Aaron Neville, "Don't Know Much"]

ME: [Stern look]

STEREO: [Fastball, "Out of My Head"]

ME: Fair enough.

Firing A Shotgun at the Stream Might Be Fun, Though

Apparently, a "Field & Stream" magazine bearing my name was delivered to my parents' house in Florida today. This is a magazine about hunting and fishing, two topics that rank among the least interesting I can imagine. Only slightly less interesting is the weather in some place I am not, unless we're talking natural disasters. Baseball is even more uninteresting than unremarkable weather. Something that does interest me is correcting people who use the word "disinterested" when they mean "uninterested." That bothers me.

"Field & Stream" bores me so much that I linked to its Web site above without even bothering to look at it. "Field & Stream" bores me so much that when I get insomnia, I close my eyes and imagine the words "Field & Stream" jumping over a stream and into a field over and over again to lull myself to sleep. "Field & Stream" bores me so much that I can't even write another sentence about it.

I'm Not Mad

If a horrible sketch show that nobody ever really liked is cancelled after 14 seasons, did it really ever air in the first place? I sometimes read the magazine back in the day. Yes, I was "one of those kids."

Tonight, I use my "connections" for an advanced screening of the new Bond movie. It's too bad I don't care too much about the series, because I'm sure it would be that much more exciting. Still, it's cool that I get to watch a movie with, ahem, industry folks, on the Sony lot. Last week, I had the opportunity to see Danny Boyle's new movie, Slumdog Millionaire. Parts of it were a tad saccharine for my critical taste buds, but overall it was tasty. The visual style kept me interested, and the playful soundtrack is fun. Also, I found the use of Who Wants to Be A Millionaire to structure the story to be funny and clever.

You Know What I Miss?

SeaWorld. I want to touch a sting-ray, man.

Can Not We Be Strange Bedfellows?

It's ironic that Mormons supplied millions of dollars to the Proposition 8 campaign. Memory loss?

My Myopic View of the Election Results, My My

Presidential Race - unsurprising result; better for country than had it gone other way; people with Obama on water bottles going too far

House Races - incumbent Diane Watson wins my district 87.7% to 12.3% despite my decision to vote for college student opposing her (probably a College Republican)--slightly amusing; Ric Keller, speaker at my HS graduation, loses in Florida-- can only assume he deserves it, part of "housecleaning" process

Judicial Races - never bother to learn enough about them to feel confident casting vote--feel bad about self every time

Third Party Candidates - Nader edges out Barr for third place--disappointing, very much so; Ron Paul, without even running, still gets about 20,000 votes (!), barely trailing American Independent Party candidate Alan Keyes--epic fail Alan Keyes/still few more years before third parties matter/dreams crushed

Gayness - not good time to have it; expected it in Florida; suspected it for California, but disappointed nonetheless; on bright side, won $20 betting Lindsey prop 8 would pass

Propositions/Ballot Initiatives - generally hate them; don't trust electorate with direct democracy powers; distrust proven valid; California may need very own bailout soon; chickens happy with extra room in their cages; prisoners unhappy with less room in their cages due to overcrowding caused by decisions to a) not expedite the release of non-violent drug offenders and b) give non-judicial persons the power to deny parole

Speaking of Drugs - Michigan pro-medical marijuana initiative passes; one point for freedom

Speaking of Vice - Sin Fransicko pro legal prostitution initiative defeated; name once again San Francisco; point deducted from freedom, given to venereal disease and abortion, which will continue to increase in flourishing black market

Speaking of Abortion - children in California not required to receive parental consent to get one--supremely ambivalent feelings, brain not coping

And Speaking of Confused Brains - Palin, despite shortcomings, not to be blamed for McCain loss; McCain capable of that by self; also, old guy never wins, except Ronald Reagan (youthful) and William Henry Harrison (bad-assedly nicknamed "Tippecanoe" and also popularized Whigs while simultaneously doing the opposite to wigs; also, died like three days into term, thus reinforcing ageist biases)

New Mexico - voted for Obama; impressed; wow; weird thing was that when news agencies called it, all reports showed McCain in lead--uneasiness inside me

Sean Hannity - did he hang self? haven't heard one way or other

Al Franken - protesting close loss in Minnesota; what the hell is up with that state anyway?

Tears - so far, heard they squirted from Colin Powell, Jesse Jackson and Oprah Winfrey; slightly touched to hear of first two; for some reason, disgusted by third

Measurable Effect on My Life - between very little and somewhat, I would guess

Election Night

I keep hearing that tonight will be an historic one. I might as well write a blog about it.

You all can guess where my vote went, and you probably can do so with great accuracy. Whatever happens, I am glad that tomorrow George W. Bush will be a lame duck. Can we come up with a less lame phrase than that, by the way? We need something a bit more hip than a reference to the antebellum policies of James Buchanan. I do congratulate President Bush for his destruction of the Republican Party.

I waited in a long line to vote this morning, nearly an hour. When I got to the front, a tired old lady informed me that I was in the wrong line. That's about all the drama I have to report. Next time, I think I'll mail my ballot.