Sipping Orlando

Thanksgiving beckoned me towards my hometown for the first time in nearly a year. Upon arrival in O-Town, I could only once again think to myself, "Can't we come up with a better nickname than 'O-Town'?" Still, for the first time ever, I felt a nostalgia for the place. It wasn't just friends and family, because I always miss them and recall the good times, but the city itself. I remedied this a bit by attending an Orlando Magic game, an experience which I consider to be my little sip of the mild, slightly carbonated, processed to the point of smoothness but with a puzzling woodsy aftertaste beverage called Orlando. I will take a larger swig when I return for Winter Holiday.

Using the phrase "Winter Holiday" reminds me of Bill O'Reilly, who rose to fame by, among other things, defending the apparently besieged holiday of Christmas. If you purchase more than $19.95 worth of merchandise at his online store, you receive a free "We Say Merry Christmas" bumper sticker. It's when I first heard that phrase, "We say 'Merry Christmas,'" that I decided I didn't like BillO. While making his flawed argument that the "secularists" are attempting to exterminate religion in this country, he unknowingly (I hope) divides the populace into two distinct and unequal groups. There are those real Americans who believe in Christianity, the "we" who say "Merry Christmas," and there are the fake Americans known as Wiccans, atheists, Jews, Druids, Muslims, agnostic Catholics, Buddhists, Scientologists, Hindus, and Zoroastrians who still want to participate in the positive, communal spirit of this month, or who simply don't want to be rude, but who also don't believe the same thing that the aforementioned real Americans believe. "They" say something offensive and dangerous, something like, "Happy Holidays," and "they" are the fungal growth rotting the Judeo-Christian roots of this country. Still, I cannot hate the man because I feel that he knows not what he does.

Somebody who I hope does know what he's doing is our President-Elect. I practically held my ears this past week or two since first hearing the name "Hillary Clinton" uttered as a possible Secretary of State. Wasn't Obama elected so that the country's foreign affairs wouldn't be run by neo-conservatives anymore? I might be wrong, but I thought I remembered seeing peace signs incorporated into his name. Maybe that "O" was just too tempting a target for logo designers. Hm.

I want to see "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" and "The Wrestler." That's it. Maybe "Doubt." Maybe not. That's not funny.